dramatic irony.

"this is really weird. we are on lockdown right now. the kids have no idea why. but one of students was crossing the tracks on his way to school this morning and was hit and killed by the train. its so sad. they are all laughing and carrying on, excited because they don't have to go to class. its awful. i have this horrible news, they have no idea, and i think they are going to have us break it to them."

i wrote that as i sat at my desk today shortly before they made the announcement over the PA system that letters were being delivered to teachers that needed to be read to our students. it was a perfect illustration of the definition of "dramatic irony" as i learned in high school English class--where the audience knows something that the characters do not. i had been told about 15 minutes earlier what happened, but the announcement had not been made to the students, and many seemed clueless as to what was going on. we sat in class, the kids joked and laughed and carried on as if everything was fine, because for the moment, without knowing, for them, it was. they made guesses about why there was a news helicopter hovering and why there were people crying in the hallways and in the cop cars. i opened my door, and was handed the following note. my rowdy class immediately got silent as i began to read:

"Early this morning one of our students was hit and killed by the Amtrak train as he crossed the tracks to come to school. This was an accident. The student was with two friends, both Tennyson students, who witnessed the accident. The student's family is being notified and out of respect we will not release the student's name. We know that rumors have started and that the news media is already reporting on the accident. Counselors are available to speak to anyone who would like time to share their feelings. Counselors and other support staff will be available in S1 for anyone, staff or students, who need support."

then we talked for a moment about things we might be feeling and i just asked them to be respectful as everyone handles their feelings differently. i told them i was sorry that this happened and that things are different now.

class ended, it was my prep but and then another teacher's class came in, as they were using her room for the counseling services. i sat with them and we chatted, class ended and on the day went.

back to school night was cancelled, and rightfully so, out of respect for the grieving community.

im feeling a lot of things. im feeling sad for the grieving family. the parents who lost their son, and the kids who lost their brother. sadness for the loss our student body is experiencing. i didn't know him, but from what i hear, he was a great kid. one of our basketball players, and really a sweet guy. i'm feeling sadness for our two students that were with him, that witnessed the accident and his lifeless body afterwards.

most of all, i am disgusted by the insensitivity of district officials illustrated in an online news article about the incident. please, before writing off today's tragedy in a way where you knock the decision making capabilities of our students, use your sway and provide better choices to begin with.

at the faculty meeting today there was a time for individuals to share what they were feeling as it was being decided whether or not to cancel back to school night. it was a good sharing time, and then at the end it grew silent. now whether it was because the topic of conversation was mortality or the silence itself reminded me of a testimony meeting im not sure. but as the silence thickened the only thing i had in my mind was, "i know this isn't the end for him." and i do. i know the church is true, and because of that death loses its sting. for which i'm glad, but also saddened because not everyone shares that same belief. what a horrible, sickening, hollow feeling death must leave with those without hope of anything beyond this life.

i didn't know him. i've never had him as a student. i've probably passed him in the hallways and watched him at the basketball games. but i don't remember any specific interaction with him. but there is still a cloud of loss. i've always said that if i lose a student, i'm done for a while, and i stand by that.

quotes of the day

D: ms booth i thought my hampster die last night. i don care what you say, my hampster go.
L: how he go, he dont do nothin. what his name?
D: lazy.

L: is that your real eye color? i aint never seen eyes that color.

oh what a night...

or rather two nights...i saw the following in San Francisco and they were EXCELLENT!!

A group of us went to see Mamma Mia at the Orpheum Theater on 9/14/07. This was my first experience seeing a professional Broadway musical, and I was not disappointed.




I also had the opportunity to go see Jersey Boys at Curran Theater on 9/19/07. The music was outstanding, and the performers were excellent. The only downfall of this show is that unfortunately there is some pretty foul language at times. Recognizing that, I would be careful to reccomend this show, but I thoroughly enjoyed the talent. The music & dancing was so fun to watch & listen to.



here's a little tidbit i found on you tube. love it.

just add a little salt.

im sitting in my classroom on a lunch break from a teacher workday seminar about culturally responsive curriculums & environments. extremely interesting. its seems for so long we have been taught about race, and not to see color and to treat everyone the same way, because everyone is the same, but such is not the case in a classroom or otherwise. each person is an individual and therefore learns differently from those around him. people of different races learn differently. period, the end.

for so long, it has seemed almost encouraged, "not to see color." now obviously, making blanket statements anbout any group of people will leave you with an inaccurate perception of that group. but teaching in a way that supports the idea that everyone is the same is a disservice to ALL students. minority students have a wealth of conceptual knowledge that is NEVER tapped. especially when a students cultural background differs from the "norm" of middle class europeans, around which our modern educational systems were designed.

the thing is, that "real world," is different for every person. sure, there are similarities, some constants that every individual will have to deal with, work through and excel at in order to be successful. my reality, the way i live my every day life in infinitely different from my students. my worries, fears, cares, excitements, etc are different. but the goal is the same. to be successful. to be happy. the thing is how do we get there? how do we get to that same point on different roads, with different road block, bumps, jolts, sidetracks, etc? despite my being a part of "the norm" of middle class europeans, i am still an individual WITHIN even that group.

we live in a time and an environment that is daily affected by diverse cultures. to continue perpetuating an educational system that meets the needs well of only ONE of those groups is criminal. we must change also. but we haven't. instead, we push to "form" and "mold" these children, in the name of the system meant to prepare them for "the real world." to study a certain way. to produce certain benchmarks. to behave a certain way. to use a specific vocabulary. etc etc etc. when they do not produce such, it has been acceptable to lay blame on statistical findings about learning disabiltites, strengths & weaknessness, just that "they aren't getting it."

to settle on the idea that, "they just aren't getting it," isn't logical. its like taking a salt water fish, throwing it into a fresh water pond and then when it hemorrages and dies, saying, "well, that fish must just be defective." its not the fish. the fish would do just fine if the environment was changed. as would our students if our curriculums tapped into that wealth of cultural knowledge. anything to draw them into what we teach. to make it applicable. to make it real for EACH student. we just gotta add a little salt to that fresh water, thats all.

you can't teach 'em 'til you know 'em. making connections to their realities is the key. then they will see the significance, and hopefully, want to learn.

so where do i begin? yah, i have NO idea.

mmmmmhmmmmm

today is friday and i just did a measuring demonstration with my kids. it was their first day in the cooking lab, and they were SO good. attentive, interested and of course, excited to sample the cookies. as i was finishing the demo and getting the cookies ready to go in the oven, i realized how content i was. while i'm no julia child, emeril lagasse or wolfgang puck, i LOVE cooking. its therapeutic. and today, its just what i needed.

a bit frazzled.

about so many things. many of which start in my classroom, others reside elsewhere. i'm so overwhelmed with everything i've taken on this year, and while i know i'll push through, and be fine, and more than likely look back and be glad for the experiences, i'm just tired. one of my kids from last year came in today to visit. she's 16 years old and 5 months pregnant. she's so young, and seems to be walking so blindly along. and as i sat there and listened to her plan for the next few years, i ached for her, and the rough road ahead of her. i mentioned it would be hard, but that the best thing she can do would be to stay in school. she said she knew, and the hardest thing is that i knew that she has absolutely no idea whats in store for her.

despite the turmoil with my kids, my own life is so busy right now. but, i love it. good friends. good times. new experiences. lots of growing & stretching. and as tired as i am, its so rewarding. life is beautiful. i'm grateful to see that. the only bitter sentiment that exists is the lack of that ONE with whom all, good and bad, can be shared. but i've realized that in general, its much easier not to ache for something when you've never had it in the first place. as time passes, and i heal, i'm beginning to wonder if i've ever really had that which i ache for, or if my "missing it" is more of an indication of the realization that i never REALLY had it in the first place.

lets do a food analogy...think for a moment, what if the only brownies you'd ever tasted were of the vegan, low-fat variety? you loved them, and if you're anything like me, you probably ate them morning, noon & night, and never got sick of 'em. but then, you developed some sort of allergy, and couldn't eat them anymore. while you might miss your low-cal snack choice, it would seem silly to say that you miss eating "brownies," because you never really enjoyed that full brownie experience in the first place. for me, even though i loved me those 'vegan brownies,' and i probably always will, i'm beginning to understand that they weren't the real thing.

hmmmm....food for thought. (haha, no pun intended) either way, things are looking up and can only get better. bring on those brownies. =)