sometimes people surprise you.
today, during my 6th period class, i almost lost my temper. i have 2 boys that are talkers. not little talkers, but big talkers. like, talking every second, always. when i ask them to stop, as i do, 8-10 times every class period, the pause, but do not stop. and today, i even asked them to leave. they apologized and asked to stay. and then conitnued to talk.
i'll spare the details. but i had a private conversation with one of them. and let him know he was making my job hellish. and making the class experience annoying for his classmates. and that him apologizing every single day means nothing if he continues to do the same thing he is apologizing for. like, if you punch someone in the face, and then apologize, and then punch him again, and then apologize again, and then punch him again and then apologize again, the apology means nothing. anyhow, this wasn't the first conversation like this. it was like, mayby the 6th or 7th conversation like this.
anyhow, i call both of their parents. which, to be honest, i rarely do. it is nerve racking, as some of my colleagues have had experience where they call the parent looking for support and answers and help for meeting the needs of their child, and they are greeted with accusations yelling and disrespect. i was worried that is what i would recieve this time. no one wants to hear that their child is rude. or disruptive. or disrepectful. or affecting the education of their classmates. but i said each of those things. one parent, seemed embarassed, and told me he would speak to his son that evening, but didn't say much else. the other was SO appreciative of my call, and that he wants to help, but that if he doesn't know whats going on, he can't. we had a 15 minute conversation about his son, and the fact that as a junior, he is already so credit deficient he may not graduate. and here is the kicker. both boys are pleasant to be around, for the most part. and when they are not being disruptive, they are fun to have in class. anyhow, the conversations went well. the second one especially.
some days i am so frustrated by my job. by the disrespect and inconsiderate behavior of the teenagers that i teach. by the fact that sometimes i leave my campus and i feel dumb and powerless to impart any type of valuable knowledge upon the teenagers that are entrusted to my care. some days i really love my job. like, really love it, want to hug and kiss it on the mouth, love it. it is fun, wholesome and rewarding, and i feel useful, powerful, creative and smart. but that is only some days. and to be honest, i feel like those days are the exception.
many days i love and adore my students. but many days they try my patience to the point where i want to just say, "i would prefer it if you did NOT come to my class tomorrow. take the day off. i need a break from you and your "ionlywanttodowhatiwanttodoandplayonmyphoneandtalkwhileyou'retalkingandignoreyou" outlook on school.
many other days i feel overwhelmed by trying to decipher what their abilities are and being capable of meeting their needs. and if i'm being completely honest, some days more concerned with "just getting by" and picking up my paycheck at the end of the month than being a force for change. you know those days: just going through the motions. just showing up and being a placeholder. that sounds depressing and horrible, but sometimes its true.
this job is not all rainbows and butterflies. but what is interesting, is that when it is, all the overwhelming, yucky, memories of disrespect and lack of appreciation and discouragement fly out the window. and instead are replaced by this glowy warm wave of love of my students and my job as their teacher.
i've heard that, "sometimes people surprise you." and it is very true. today, when i got off that parent phone call, i was so pleasantly surprised by my student's step father. i was surprised by his caring, understanding nature, and his appreciation and his desire to help his child succeed. it was refreshing. and it left me with a renewed desire to try, and enough of that glowy warm feeling to make me want to show up tomorrow.
that is a good thing.
