quotable politics

me: you're out of control
George: no that would be the white house


(i despise talking about and hearing about politics. but this made me laugh out loud)

quotes of the day

wanna see my royal dogbed i made? --dear student

and

what. aint you ever heard of diarrhea that can kill you? eColi.
--dear student to one of his friends as he left my class

and

me:how did it go, dear student? (referencing his mechanical baby project)
dear student: its been just terrible.
me: oh no. what happened?
dear student: you know, i thought i was a pretty d*** good parent.
but it kept me up all night and when i woke up this morning the abuse
light was on.

and

dear student: miss booth!!! i have no idea why the abuse light on my
baby went on!!!!
,me: well, what happened??
dear student i have no idea. my friend kicked it in the face.

tickets, tears and tree sap

nicole: so i got pulled over today
me: did you get a ticket?
nicole: yah. and I EVEN teared up a little. and he still gave it to me!
me: how fast were you going?
nicole: 74.
me: what was the speed limit?
nicole: 55. but i thought it was 65.
me: what were you driving?
nicole: the red van
me: you so deserved it.

and then.....

i went to the gym. i pulled in a different spot than i normally do. (and when i say normally i mean the 3 other times ive been to the gym recently.) i started reading my martha stewart magazine, enjoying my seat heater while trying to put off going to work on my fitness. and then....my foot slipped and slammed onto the gas. so, consequently my car screeched into the planter box with an amazing jolt. dont worry. it came to a halt on a nice italian cypress looking tree. i was shocked, to say the least. i mean, i was still holding my martha stewart magazine. anyways, i was so embarrassed. (maybe i deserved it for teasing little nicoley, earlier) it was so noisy and jerky and lame and stupid looking. i looked around to see if anyone had seen. no one. thank heavens. except for the old guy getting into his car on the other side of the lot. i hurried and threw it into reverse (it took a liittle work to get it off the tree. ) and then i reparked. i enjoyed my magazine and seat heater a little more, checked the damage and then thanked my lucky stars that i didn't park in front of another car or a cement wall. damage: a few little scratches. and some tree sap. but the tree sap came off with a little spit. go figure.

quote of the day

me: so now, what are the gadianton guys thinking?
dear seminary student: that they just got pwned.

quote of the day

did you hear that cisco released a 322 terabit router today?? that
could download every movie ever made in 3 minutes. it could download
the entire library of congress is 4 seconds.--my dearest george

quote of the day

Oh yeah and ps, I'm not telling you my design fees. Just know you're
saving he**a money. --dearest dan, in his most efficient use of a
norcal expletive

books?

hey blogosphere...stalkers & non stalkers alike. i need any and all
input. i need suggestions for my high schoolers "life long learning
book list." anything that you can recommend from the self-help or
inspirational genres would be a HUGE help. ready...go.

the miracle of high schoolers.

me: today we're going to be watching the miracle of life
students: (silence)
me: how many of you remember this from 9th grade health?
students: ummm...we didn't learn about stuff like that.
me: then what did you do in sex ed?
students: ummmm you know, STDs and how to put on condoms.
me: but you didn't learn about conception?
students: (blank stares) um...no?

and

me: i expect you treat this with the utmost respect and
maturity....(introducing "the miracle of life" video)
dear student: how much maturity is that?
me: everything that you have.
dear student: oh (somewhat disappointed)

and

(after watching a clip about sperm deformities)
dear student: so ms. booth....is it true that if you smoke weed it reduces your sperm count?
me: yes.
dear student: does it....
me: cause deformities?
dear student: yah????
me: um yes. i believe so. (i'm not positive about this. but i'm sure it doesnt help matters)
dear student: REALLY? aw, man.

and

dear student: ms. booth. how many times does an egg get fertilized before you get pregnant?
me: um...if an egg gets fertilized you ARE pregnant.
dear student: REALLY?

and

dear student: hmm. this is interesting. this is, like, in me.

and for the record. i think its criminal to spend more time talking about STDs and contraception than about conception. just sayin. maybe i shoulda been one of the crazies shutting down the freeways today?


no. thank you.

quote of the day

....with recipes so good you wan slap yo momma....--a subtitle on a personal cookbook from a dear student (i have no idea what this means)

quote of the day

it smell like yosemite national park up in here--dear student upon making pesto sauce

quote of the day

i told my mom about all the pregnant girls, and she told me not to drink anything at school.

quote of the day

me: thank you for your help today.
my blessed TA: oh no problem. it was my pleasure.