easy as 123...: July 2009

ive been on a blogging hiatus because i've had a bit of a breakdown lately. i feel like things are spiralling all around me and that i dont have control. i dont want to stand still. i kind of just want a break. maybe an extended nap or vacation in salzburg could do the trick? (about 3 weeks ago. things are much better now. although, i still wouldn't mind some time in salzburg)

1. my 50 day countdown stopped at day 12 for 2 reasons. #1 the end of the year was CRAZY busy and #2 i didn't want to believe or admit that i was leaving tennyson. (im quite the avoider) i regret not finishing. in fact i that is what kept me from blogging. i didn't want to write anything until i recorded everything from the last weeks of school. i wish i had done that. now those memories are foggy.

2. happy fathers day, dad. you should definitely do more of this.

3. im in UT for most of my "summer." i haven't unpacked here for 4 years, and then i finally did. it was glorious. to be honest, im not entirely sure why i brought home so many clothes. i probably could have packed a grocery sack with a pair of pajamas, tshirts, a swim suit, baskteball shorts and a skirt and been just fine. i never was a slave to fashion.
4. from my dear home teacher, mike. it is STILL a pick me up, and so inspiring.

5. 4th of july at home was lovely.
6. she's six. (thank you kris for showing me this) i've watched this video a dozen times and STILL can't get over it.

it also kind of makes me want to name my first little girl jamia.
7. happy birthday mommy. you are my favorite woman. sorry i couldn't be there. i hear nicole did a famous job putting on a celebration, though.
8. RIP michael jackson.

its sad, but i'm so glad someone said this. but, with the passing of this musical legend, i've been reminded that there may be more motown in me than i let on.
9. operation summer body was put on hold last july when i left for europe. it never resumed. because of that, most recently, 10. i only wear things with elasticized waist bands or maternity style tops. its extremely attractive. NOT. maybe i will shoot for a summer body by summer 2027.
11. i dont have a job. (update...now, i do. for a moment, i had 2.)
12. i dont have anywhere to live. (update, SF here i come)
14. i avoid things i dont want to deal with. (update, nothings changed.)
15. im really good at being committed to something. anything. once im in, im in. that i can handle. its just the first bit of committing that gets me every time.
16. ive been in a shell lately because things are entirely uncertain in my life. i dont want to talk to anyone because i dont want anyone to ask how i am. because, quite frankly, my life is incredibly uncertain right now, and i don't want to sound like debbie downer.
17. jon & kate plus 8 now equals jon minus 9, just like nicole said. reality TV is the devil. i hate what it does. nick & jessica. carmen & dave. shanna & travis. and now jon & kate plus their adorable 8 children. what i think happened? jon & kate had a fairly normal marriage. ups & downs, each with their own crosses to bear, so to speak. i think kate has always been demanding & controlling and jon was fine with that, BUT once they broadcasted their private lives onto television screens across america, though, i think people started pointing things out to jon what he "shouldn't" have to put up with, that he could have more doing x, y or z, thus forming "team jon" vs. "team kate" and pitting them against one another. newsflash....a marriage is never going to last if you're on separate teams.

dear jon,

i understand your life is different than the average thirty something father. however, thought it was highly insensitive when you said something to the effect of "i'm only 30. i'm excited for this new chapter, blah blah blah.." when asked to respond about your feelings about your marriage ending. in fact, i think it was downright rude.

sincerely,
jackie

ps--its pretty crappy you are already publicly expressing affection with your 23 year old girl friend. (and, while we on the subject, that you even have a 23 year old girl friend.) is the divorce even final yet?

pps-- if you're trying to find yourself, lose those ridiculous earrings. they are not helping matters.

dear kate,

you'll have plenty of time for speaking engagements and book writing and other "team kate" rallies once you're babies are grown are nurtured into healthy, well adjusted adults. snuggle them while you can.

sincerely, jackie

ps--you were rude to jon sometimes.

dear jon & kate,

if you insist on continuing your reality TV "jobs" i'd like to invite you to be the focus family in my new reality series, "jon & kate plus 8. our commitment to each other." catchy, no? the contract terms would be simple. a bazillion dollars, marriage counseling and a solid commitment to stay married for the next 10 years. whats in it for the rest of us? a public example that while its not all sunshine and roses, when you're committed and faithful, marriage works.

studies suggest it'd be worth your while.

seriously, jackie

18. i've loved hanging out with my mom and the rest of my fam since i've been home. it's been perfect. and causing me to number my days in california...

more to come...